The Day After Christmas

Christmas is finally complete. The kids opened their presents, we finished the cake, and we lit candles today at Mommy's.

It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. We actually had a wonderful Noche Buena and had relatives over for Christmas lunch. I was gearing myself up for the worst—crying at midnight, silence at the dinner table, a lonely Christmas.

But true to Alcaraz tradition (this family's, anyway), we ended the night watching really stupid and funny videos on YouTube (we watched The Ring on Christmas Eve some years ago—all of the Japanese ones. We're sort of weird like that.), laughing and having a fun night together. It was different, but not at all sad. And for that, I'm very grateful.

I super miss my mom but I know she must be having one hell (oops, heaven?) of a good time with the birthday boy. Anong binatbat ng Noche Buena dito, kung kinakantahan niya ng "Happy Birthday" mismo yung may birthday, diba? Must be a blast. (:


Buy less, love more

I just finished shopping for half of my gifts, when I saw this video on Cecile's blog. Makes you think twice about heading to the mall and buying "toys they don't need" or "that sweater she won't like."


Best. Episode. Ever.

I love you, show. Why must ABC cancel you??? WHY?

Olive totally rules Pushing Daisies.


The First Christmas

Today's the first day of December. Look up at the sky tonight and it seems like the moon is smiling down at us. Almost like it's being reassuring.

Christmas used to be something to look forward to. Usually, our house would have Christmas decor by November. The tree would be up by my birthday. We'd have pretty white lights above our garage with the capiz parol that's been with us for years now.

But until now, there is no tree. Half of our stuff's been moved out, but it seems like we're still spending our Christmas here in this house. In this half-empty house.

I went to the mall tonight with Daddy and my brother in hopes of getting some holiday shopping done—I ended up buying more stuff for myself/the kitchen than gifts for people. And I remembered how we'd always shop for gifts on the 24th, because Mommy would always say that there would be less people. That and well, we've always been last-minute in most things.

I know I should have expected to feel this way. But it still feels odd and unfamiliar to me. When I sit in the living room with my Daddy on Sunday afternoons, I realize how lonely it must be for him. This house is too big for us now. The space seems to have expanded somehow. And when I asked him today if talking about her makes him sad, I almost wish I didn't, because he looked away, trying not to cry.

Sometimes I wonder if it'll ever get easier. If I'll ever get used to it.