Instamonth: August 2013

I've been quite the delinquent poster. Thank goodness for the photo-a-day challenge for our website, I have (more or less) been posting daily on Instagram. It's not quite an accurate record of my daily activities, but it's better than nothing! Ha!

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Today's the first of September, which only means one thing: Christmas is only three months away! I can't believe how fast this year is going.

On Being Thirty

When I was 16, I had a clear picture in my head of how I wanted my life to be like. I had an "ideal marrying age." At 25, I knew in my heart that I was going to be married. By 30, I'd have two kids, one girl and one boy, and I'd be a stay-at-home mom with a home-based baking empire on the side (idol ko kasi si Mrs. Fields).

Fast forward to 25. I did not have a boyfriend nor was I dating. How in the world was I going to get proposed to? I was so worried about how my life was turning out. A week before my birthday, I cried every day, thinking how unsuccessful I've become. But I realized eventually that it was just me putting the pressure on myself. Who said I had to have all these things at 25? Nobody dictates how one should or shouldn't grow up.

And now I'm 30. Still not married and no tiny mes running around. No baking empire (yet!). But through the years, I've slowly learned how to see the good in things.

At 30, I'm a sister to three brothers who I get along with (most of the time, haha), who I share monthly bills with, who I live with. I'm a daughter to my Daddy who's got a 9 o'clock habit that involves 6 numbers and who likes to go to Church on Saturday afternoons. I'm a tita and a ninang to a beautiful baby girl who I pray grows up to be the wonderful lady she's destined to be. I'm a friend to Lolas, to DQs, to Candy Girls, to old friends who somehow find a way back into my life. I'm a maker who crafts things with my hands and enjoys learning and rediscovering my passion for art and handmade things.

I'm 30 and I've seen that the plans I've originally made up in my head back when I was 16 don't necessarily have to happen when I want them to. Of course I still dream of that life—to be married, have kids, and build a lovely home. But if the path I'm taking now leads me to another dream or maybe an even longer road, I'll happily truck on, knowing there's more to me than just that.

Catching Up

It's kind of crazy how time speeds up and just like that, it's already the end of the first half of the year. How did that happen? Just six months ago, I was promising myself a lot of things: to always say yes, to try new things, and to be a little more adventurous in life. And here we are now: there are still things I will say no to, but I'm a little bit braver to do what's not expected.

This morning, I headed to the house of one of my oldest friends to help out her mom with some paper decor. It was a familiar place that my friends and I grew up in. We started out as babies in that place and now everyone is raising their own family, getting married, and flying out of the country. The house felt a little lonely, a lot empty, but still inviting.

I guess everyone has their own thing now. It hasn't been the easiest thing to get together—plans have to be made in advance to accommodate everyone's other concerns: attending weddings, feeding the babies, and doing what adults do I guess. But it's still comforting to know that there are still things that will remain the same. Like our favorite baked spaghetti and chicken lollipop, which tastes like childhood to me. And that even without my girls, somehow I've been able to catch up.

 

Dearest Mommy

I would like to spend a day,
sitting beside you on your bed.
We can watch TV or just sleep
together. We don't need to speak
or even touch. All I need
is some time to be
with you, here and now.
I'll tell you about how
there was a boy and now
there's a girl I fell in love
with. She's tiny and beautiful
and someone I know you
already love without
even meeting. I wish you
were here for even just a few
quiet moments. To make up
for the days we've lost
and for the years that I'm scared
will be forgotten.
I hope you know that
every day you are missed.

13 Going On 30

Right before I turned 25, I was a mess. I was insecure, afraid, and didn't know if I was where I was supposed to be. But I've come to realize that you can't compare yourself to others or pattern your life after someone else's. And I think that's why I've been more carefree and have finally let go of worrying about what people think. I'll live my life the way I know best. (:

Who knew that at 30 I would...
♥ Still love my job the way I did almost 7 years ago.
♥ Flail over Nick Jonas, Logan Lerman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and One Direction with the same intensity? HAHA!
♥ Work on 3 books and a fan magazine.
♥ Contribute to a house that my brothers and I work very hard for.
♥ Welcome my third decade at a veggie resto (loved my salubong at Pipino, where Patty took this photo of me).
♥ Be okay with not having some grand celebration and instead take time to be with people I love.
♥ Learn to know when it's time to let go—of things, of people, of issues.

I'm really excited about this new year in my life. I can feel something big is just waiting for me around the corner. (:

(Don't) Put Yourself Out There

I have a paper journal that my friend gave me as a birthday present back in 2003. I'm only on page 60, 8 years later. I've never been the type to write every day (I used to blog every minute! I think you call it Twitter nowadays.), but I just kept this in my room for emergency purposes.

The other night, 2 years since my last "entry," I had to write somewhere. Not here where everyone can see, or in LJ, even when locked, I feel like there are still prying eyes. I guess there are still some things I can't share with everybody.

nicked off Jill and Mika

Your result for The Director Who Films Your Life Test...

Woody Allen

Be prepared to have your life story shot entirely in New York City -- though lately Woody's been loving shooting in London. Also, your music soundtrack is all jazz from before 1949. Filmography: Annie Hall, Manhattan, Stardust Memories, Everyone Says I Love You, Match Point, Scoop, etc. Woody has released one film per year consistently for the past 35 years. For the past 15 years he's been trying to make films like his older, funnier ones, just like characters in his Stardust Memories film suggest throughout. Regardless of his personal life, his films are American classics.

Take The Director Who Films Your Life Test at HelloQuizzy

Who would've thought I'd be quoting the doctor?

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

That's it, pancit. (:

There's no stopping us

This year, I'll reach that pinnacle
This year, I'll get to the top
People'll realize where she got that energy
This year, I'm never gonna stop

I really have a good feeling about this year. And I'm glad I feel that I'm finally back on track. These past few days have been stressful but I'm glad to know that I'm actually doing things right. :P

This morning was like Christmas in our house because my brother finally got back from his trip. It was funny seeing him waiting for everyone's reactions when he handed out our pasalubong.

Life's been good. (: And for once, I'm not really asking for anything more than this.