On Being Thirty

When I was 16, I had a clear picture in my head of how I wanted my life to be like. I had an "ideal marrying age." At 25, I knew in my heart that I was going to be married. By 30, I'd have two kids, one girl and one boy, and I'd be a stay-at-home mom with a home-based baking empire on the side (idol ko kasi si Mrs. Fields).

Fast forward to 25. I did not have a boyfriend nor was I dating. How in the world was I going to get proposed to? I was so worried about how my life was turning out. A week before my birthday, I cried every day, thinking how unsuccessful I've become. But I realized eventually that it was just me putting the pressure on myself. Who said I had to have all these things at 25? Nobody dictates how one should or shouldn't grow up.

And now I'm 30. Still not married and no tiny mes running around. No baking empire (yet!). But through the years, I've slowly learned how to see the good in things.

At 30, I'm a sister to three brothers who I get along with (most of the time, haha), who I share monthly bills with, who I live with. I'm a daughter to my Daddy who's got a 9 o'clock habit that involves 6 numbers and who likes to go to Church on Saturday afternoons. I'm a tita and a ninang to a beautiful baby girl who I pray grows up to be the wonderful lady she's destined to be. I'm a friend to Lolas, to DQs, to Candy Girls, to old friends who somehow find a way back into my life. I'm a maker who crafts things with my hands and enjoys learning and rediscovering my passion for art and handmade things.

I'm 30 and I've seen that the plans I've originally made up in my head back when I was 16 don't necessarily have to happen when I want them to. Of course I still dream of that life—to be married, have kids, and build a lovely home. But if the path I'm taking now leads me to another dream or maybe an even longer road, I'll happily truck on, knowing there's more to me than just that.

Someday soon

Wish I could travel more and take more pictures. So inspiring.

seeing you through other people's dreams

This was the picture she painted of you: a vision in white, happy and smiling, a little chubbier than you were when we last saw you.

And just like that I felt my eyes well up with tears.

I don't know if I'm sad or if I just miss you terribly this very moment.

I know you're right beside me, probably reading over my shoulder but what I would do to see your face and hug you right now.

I think my dreams

have started coming true.

:-<

I Dreamed a Dream

I had the strangest dream ever. I don't want to elaborate, but I have a feeling it's because of my disappointments at work lately. You know it's something big because my job has nothing been short of stellar since I started.

Googled what dreaming about the office means:

To dream of your work office, indicates that you cannot seem to leave your work at the office. You may be overworked or have too much on your mind. Alternatively, it symbolizes your status, accomplishments and your place in the world.
— Office entry from the Dream Dictionary here

I remember waking up feeling so terrible because the dream had something to do with everyone on the team (not my "peeps," who I love dearly) being against me. ): Nobody had my back and it was "me against the world." I'm not really sure what that means, but I've always believed that dreams are the opposite of reality.

It just worries me that whenever I do remember my dreams upon waking (I usually wake up with no recollection of what I was thinking of in my sleep.), it's always something bad or weird. /: