While I appreciate the concern, sometimes I wish a day would pass when people would try not to feel sorry for me. Whenever someone asks me if I'm okay, I don't really know what to say. "I'm okay right now." or "I'm not, go away." I don't know.
Because I know I put up a strong front and people are surprised that I do; but when I'm alone, I still get sad. Everything plays back in my head and I can't stop it. I plug in my earphones in the car on the way to work. I turn on the TV the moment I step into my room. I hate dead silence, because the only thing that fills my mind is that Saturday. Everything that happened during that day, I remember. And I keep telling myself that it's okay. That I'll be okay. Some days, I believe it. Some days, I feel like I'm just repressing my feelings.
I haven't cried since I said good-bye to her that Saturday morning. I'm scared that one day, I'll just break down and lose it.
Hey... I'm here whether you need a silent companion or a crazy distraction. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteDeath is the ultimate freedom. Rest assured, your mother is happy now- no worries, problems, hatred. It takes time to accept and to let go, but let her be. She watches over you.:)
ReplyDelete